I've kind of been in a bad funk for the last couple of days. Living in a small town with everyone voicing their
opinions about you and what they think your life really is. It drives me CRAZY! I take everything
sooooo personal that I honestly can't handle it. I have spent the last 2 days just crying. I got into this mood where I don't even want to leave my house. I don't take calls - nothing. I would like to shut out things but, I am just not very good at it. I've never
heard so many negative things about myself, 99% aren't even close to the truth. I know it's not just me - everyone has an
opinion about everyone else. It's amazing how in the church we are told to not gossip and to be uplifting in our speech and actions yet, for some it is so hard. Here I think that it's about making themselves look "good" so they say crap about others. The funny thing is that in the last 18 months plus - I only talk to people in my ward if I need to help them or if I am passing them in the hall. I don't hang out with any of them, I don't call and visit with them nothing. I just keep to myself! Yet, some can still make judgement and run with it. I just don't get it! Let me give you an example of what I am talking about- in a Bishop's meeting (with all the aux. leaders) someone (in all of their great wisdom!) said- you know what Angela doesn't show enough affection to
Howards kids. Someone needs to talk to her and make her. It's just not right! ............ now of course I didn't know they were in a meeting or even who was is this gossip fest......... as they walked out there I was with my arm around Greg in the sacrament room because he was getting ready to pass sacrament for the first time and was so scared. I put my arm around him and gave him some advice and told him he would do fine. I
heard that all of these ward "leaders" choked on their words as they walked in. Now, why would they even say that in the first place, they don't live in our home! And in public my poor Tyler won't get to close or he is afraid people will say he's a "mama's boy!"
LOL So in public I don't even show Tyler affection (for fear that he will be
embarrassed).
I am writing this so, I can get your "
opinion" as my dear friends of how to pull out of this funk before I never leave our house again. (we have 5 acres so I could keep myself busy).
Howard's
solution is to take me to the temple so we are going tonight. I know that will make me feel better but, I still have to be able to want to walk in the church doors.
Thanks for letting me vent - Love you all!
4 comments:
Oh Love - I am sorry you are having a hard time. We are taught that we have ward families and we all love each other but when the ward lets you down it can be devasating. I am really sorry. I know how you feel though - and I know how hard it can be to get out and live again.
Love you!!!
Hey there,
I wish I had some wise thing to say, but again, I don't. I wish the same thing though, that people would just mind their own business and take care of themselves. I'm positive you are the best mom all nine of the kids could have asked for! Cheer up! Love ya!
I admit it: I go in and out of funks on a regular basis. I wish I wouldn't but there it is. Sometimes:
a) I let me cry myself to sleep and the next morning seems better.
b) I throw myself into a project such as cleaning the entire garage, or reading a really good book, all of it in one sitting.
c) I crank up the volume of the stereo and listen to energetic music; or I turn on the hymns and let them play even during the night--I just don't play them loud.
And as far as the gossip...Ack! There's so nothing that you can do about that. I wish I wouldn't take that kind of thing personally either but I'm with you. Wouldn't it be nice to let it "roll off your back"? Well, I'm still practicing that one. Focus on the ones in your ward who are your friends. Maybe that will help. When Chris and I were doing some after-school shows, we were getting upset by the kids who would act up during the show. It finally dawned on us that we should not worry about those three or four but enjoy the 100 others that had great big smiles on their faces.
Sorry, didn't mean to post so much. Oh, well. It must have been one of those pep talks I needed, too. :)
Marian
Thanks you guys - I suddenly feel so loved again! I have known you 3 for most of my life and it's great to hear from those who know me and still love me through all the years! LOL by the way - I did crank up the top 40 hits and took my frustration out on my bathroom. (you should see it sparkle! Abby and Hailey loved spraying down EVERYTHING!)
Going to the temple with just Howard and I helped. We did sealings and went to dinner. The time alone (including the 3 hours in the car) was a good thing to get back to realizing that Howard was a true friend in addition to being the man I love.
Thanks again for your comments it helps more than you know!! Saddly it's kind of good to here that I am not the only one who struggles -sometimes I get to thinking it's only me. Love you all!
Post a Comment